What-If Relationships (I personally call them Almost Relationships) are something else. Trying to get over someone you never dated can feel worse because this person lives inside this bobble on a pedestal you yourself placed them on. It is the fantasy of them; you never got to know all their bad sides, so they are perfect in your eyes. Obviously they are not perfect, but you never got to see that. All you have is this story in your head. You are mourning what could have happened, not really them. The saddest is when you feel it was so close and happening and suddenly you are pondering how can you love again when you didn’t even get to experience the previous person who is still in your head. 

When you know what you have to offer and it seems like you always get the “almost” every time, it is hurtful. Just because you didn’t actually date the person, the loss hurts just as much, if not more- because you begin to question your own judgement. Someone can be perfect for you and still not want to take it further. You feel like in a way you broke your own heart. Sometimes, it really is that the other person is just all mixed up, and you can’t let their confusion drag you down. Better to just let go of them forever. Build on friendships and romantic connections that actually have had the time to mature, and have depth, and develop real worth. If you didn’t really know each other, and if you didn’t really love each other, then give yourself permission to move on from this muddled connection that keeps causing you stress, and find people that are better for you. 

Alright alright alright, before you get confused as to why I am giving so much unsolicited sermon, I must make it clear, it is because I am going to talk about two movies that portray What-If Relationships in all of their complexities. That’s right folks, movies that enjoy cult following both from cinephiles and casual viewers- recently released Oscar nominated Past Lives and Kollywood’s love child 96. 

I don’t need to tell you that there is a striking similarity between both movies. Both are movies about unfulfilled love. There is some bittersweetness that permeates the atmosphere in both films in their non-linear and almost intentionally fractured narratives. While both movies are competent on their own, 96 excels in crafting more authentic human experiences. Obviously, the ignorant people from the west or even Korea would bother to check out 96 and the striking similarity between the two will likely remain in obscurity. However, I hope through this article at least some people get to know why 96 triumphs over Past Lives in crafting authentic human experiences. 

The storytelling in Past Lives is flat in comparison to 96

I use authentic human experiences here because that’s what Past Lives completely lacks. And, this is where 96 outshines it. With Past Lives, the director is asking the audience to project a lot onto the characters that the characters themselves don’t express. And that would be fine with me if I could at least buy into the characters. At no point I was convinced Nora and Har Sung were meant to be together- they were just schoolmates at the elementary level and then went separate ways. 

Also, the time jumps didn’t really allow me to invest in any romance. It just skips to where the characters at that point in their respective lives. Maybe Celine Song should have leaned more into the immigrant experience, rather than the Wong Kar Wai/ Linklater/ Kaufman or I should say 96-esque love story. 

The thing that makes 96 infinitely superior to Past Lives is the inherent naiveness in the narrative. Ram and Janu don’t speak much in their school-life but the nostalgia-infused storytelling of that time period speaks for itself. Yes, the narrative here also jumps back and forth, but the tempo remains unhurried. When the childhood part is shown, the director gives you enough time to buy into characters. We get to know that Ram has always been a little too shy to express his feelings, so Janu does the heavy lifting in their What-if relationship. They were not meant to be separated after school holidays, but the fate of their relationship was not in their hands. 

So, when they meet as adults, they face the harsh realities of unfulfilled love. Janu and Ram were truly in love and their love meant everything to them as kids. Ram reluctantly trying to make Janu sing his favourite song and she mischievously refusing; it all feels too believable. Conversely, everything in Past Lives feels fabricated and honestly flat. I didn’t feel like any of the characters had notable inner lives beyond the love triangle the script traps them in. Although the performances are fairly good, I was never even remotely emotionally invested. I totally understand that the characters respress their feelings- but I found that the film doesn’t do a very good job showing us these repressed feelings somehow. There’s a difference between repressed and non-existent. 

In 96, you get an accurate depiction of repressed feelings. Ram always wanting to talk to Janu but never been able to muster enough courage to do so. Even the poignant moments like Janu grabbing Ram’s car’s gear just so he touches her hand while putting the gear leave a mark on the concise of the viewers. Past Lives is devoid of such human moments, hence it falls flat. This is why I was totally caught off guard when Nora cried at the end, as I couldn’t understand where that was coming from, considering how detached she seemed about the whole experience since day one. 

96 uses silence better to depict human moments than Past Lives

How do you find humanity in a character? Dialogue helps a lot, but beyond that the moments of silence, the tranquillity between the characters dictate much more than dialogue. 96 gives you a stellar feel for authenticity because of how efficiently it uses silence to illustrate the feelings of the characters. The excessive shy demeanour of Ram in the school days enhances the narrative with some extremely poignant moments. Ram not being able to wish happy birthday to Janu; or him collapsing when Janu touches him for the first time is presented without use of a single dialogue. The blocking, the music, the whole visual language of the movie makes you root for Ram in all situations. He is not able to express his feelings for Janu, but as they say love is in the air. This phrase fits literally for this movie. The love is actually in the air when Ram and Janu are on screen- whether they are sequences from their childhood or adulthood. In all moments of silence, the tension between the two leads is palpable and you feel their yearning and longing for each other. 

On the contrary, Song is just unable to create this palpable tension between the two leads. The movie ends up an inert, dull affair- barely a step up from a Netflix romcom if I am honest. The intention of the movie is to showcase love at various stages of life, whether it is naive childhood or gritty adulthood, but if the leads won’t have convincing chemistry, the audience will simply not buy into their love. Now, I am not questioning the performances of Greta Lee, Teo Yoo and John Magaro. They are all competent actors and for the most part play their respective characters well. However, the problem with Past Lives is that the movie is asking or should I say begging you to engage with it at a base emotional level. 

Past Lives does nothing Interesting with character dynamics

For a film about unfulfilled love, the character dynamics need to be strong. In the case of 96, nostalgia is used as a plot device to tell the story of a doomed romance. When adult Ram and Janu meet as adults, you get that feeling of separated lovers reuniting. It is because the movie has an outstanding instinct for sincerity. The school life shown in the movie mirrors the school life of people in India, that bubbly feeling of first love, the unwavering yearning, the skewed approach of kids towards love, everything is presented beautifully. So, when Ram and Janu start interacting as adults, we get how far they have come in life, yet some of their childish habits remained intact. Ram, despite being a successful photographer now, is still freaking out seeing Janu because of their childhood love and Janu still being that mischievous kid who takes the initiative of conversations between them. These character dynamics are extremely interesting and give us insights into the relationship between the two lovers. 

Now, Past Lives is very much akin to this, so metaphorically it should work. You can even say that the title “Past Lives” is about coming to terms with the forks in life and paths we take and can never, truly, walk back. But that’s mostly subtext. What we actually get in the text is that Arthur was an insecure wet blanket, Nora was aloof the whole time and Hae Sung was delusional and borderline obsessive. Unlike 96, the story does nothing interesting with these character dynamics.

You could also say that Nora and Hae Sung wanted to rekindle a childhood romance, but neither of them are confrontational enough to make it real. If that were the case, then what made them find each other so irresistible? Like in 96, Janu has very much forgotten about their childhood romance and moved on with her life, it is only after her confrontation with Ram, she finds out Ram’s unimaginable love for her. It makes the feeling of doomed romance more tangible. However, it is not tangible in Past Lives, because outside of being childhood friends from the same hood, what else hints at a romance that we audience are supposed to buy? 

Past Lives is a Competent film but 96 is more Authentic

While this piece might have made you believe that I am overly negative toward Past Lives, but believe me, I really am not. I will recommend Past Lives to anyone. I feel it will resonate with romantics and diasporans. But if you want a more authentic portrayal of unfulfilled romance, I would suggest or rather implore you to check out 96. It is a movie that stays with you for a long time after the end credits have rolled. While “Past Lives” is by no means a bad film, 96 easily triumphs over it in crafting infinitely more authentic human experiences. I hope I have explained enough in this article to elucidate that the aforementioned is much more than just a generalised statement.